Saturday

On the whole, life in general has seemed "easier" and "smoother" as of late. We know more or less what we're doing here and have a fairly consistent rhythm with work-school-home life.

For some reason, I really lost it today, with my kids. Most days go fairly well. Today was really hard though. So I pulled out the envelope Sara sent with me, with the little notes inside:
deep breathing reduces stress
list 5 things isaiah and micah did well this week
old beautiful oak trees grow strong from windy storms
progress, not perfection
you ARE a good mother. your sons are beautiful. you are blessed.
the feminine divine is radiating through you. let her shine!
good mothering involves making mistakes

And cried.
And hugged my kids after yelling at them.
And tried to explain why I was so upset.
And told them how much I love them even when I get upset at their actions.
And for the rest of the morning we baked bread, zucchini muffins, finished the laundry, put puzzles together and sat in the hammock.
They played together in the tree house.
We played hopscotch on the porch.
sigh.
And I'm trying not to feel too guilty or ashamed of my lousy behavior. But am instead trying to move on.
Why is being a mother so hard for me?